In our world of LVADness we talk often of the "roller coaster" ride. I had been so caught up in the LVAD ride that sometimes I forget about the "normal" stuff that can fell a family just keeps going, despite your need to have it wait until it is "more convenient". JUST DON'T WORK THAT WAY FOLKS!!!! It can creep up and bite you in the rear quicker than you can say "Jack Rabbit". I wish I could tell you that this is one of those chapters that gives you the tools to cope with a situation like this - but it's not.
These last two weeks have been a mind-blower for me. We are still stuck in our "alien" world of Salt Lake City, and things had been going along swimmingly (except that the elusive transplant had still been evading us). We knew my precious mother had torn her rotator cuff when she fell on her back porch (she is fast approaching 80) and we couldn't be there for the surgery. We have always been there for my folks (sometimes I think they love Joe more than me :) ). Any, and every time they have had a bump in their road we have been able to pack up and drive from Nampa to Tacoma and stay with them until their crisis had been diverted, or just to visit ....just because. But not this time. It was really tearing us both apart. Joe had asked his team here if it would be okay for him to be alone for a week so I could go up to Washington...but they said, "No". That was a hard pill for both of us to swallow.
Luckily my sister-in-law, Debi, could make the trip and be there to help. The surgery went fine - but then things started going sour. Debi had gotten mom to the restroom and they were heading back to her recliner, in the living room, when mom just went "dead weight". Poor Debi, there was nothing she could do but yell for my father (who has a crippled right leg). They got her safely to the hall floor and called 911. Mom is tall but as skinny as a rail so I can only imagine how the two of them got her down safely, must have been a bear. The nice firemen got there and put a sheet under mom and got her into bed.....and then dad lit up the phone lines to every medico he could think of to get some help. The next morning one of those nice firemen carried mom to the car and Debi and dad took her to a rehabilitation center.
She was not doing well. Not eating, not sleeping, angry at the world, sad. Since mom was in the rehab home Debi went back to her home in PA. Then I got another phone call from one of our kids who needed immediate help in Portland. Needless to say I was on the first plane out, took care of his needs then drove up the I5 corridor to my mom. (I refused to be three hours from her and not see her) I just showed up in her room. At first she didn't recognize me, but it didn't take her long. I think she thought she was dreaming. I forgot to mention that my daughter in law and grandson were heading to SLC for a visit - so Joe was not alone....everything worked out in my favor so I could finally see my mom, after a very, very long year.
I had to pull out every bit of emotional acting, that I had inside, not to completely fall apart when I walked in that room. Needless to say, my Pops was almost as angry at me as I have ever seen - but he was mad because I hadn't told him I was coming. I'm still apologizing. I think he thought that I didn't trust him to take care of her - the love of his life - and that couldn't be further from the truth - I trust him implicitly - He got less mad at me as we went along. It was really so good to see him.
I only had about 48 hours with her - but it was a great and much needed 48 hours. I'm also pleased to report that she made a total turnaround and today, Friday, she is home - back in her recliner and enjoying every moment of being there. Her shoulder still aches - but the other stuff, the sad stuff is pretty much gone.
In this rehabilitation home that my mom had to be in, is a woman who works there - she happens to be a shirttail (very shirttail) relation to me, in a much skewed roundabout way. She told my 14 year old granddaughter that my mom was depressed because her children are not there, and she is our only mother and we should be there. My granddaughter explained, once again, where her Grandma Jenny and Grandpa Joe are - and why they are there....My brother is the Vice President of a very large company and is headquartered in PA, myself...well if you've read my blog or know of me personally know my predicament at this particular time in my life...my husband and I are waiting for a much needed heart transplant in Salt Lake City. At first, after hearing this, I laughed, because I couldn't believe that someone could be so cruel as to say something like that - but then the emotional ax fell and I just wanted to cry....because this woman has no idea what I have been through in this past year doing my damnedest to keep my beloved husband alive. This woman also stated that my mother should be my choice..."she could get a new husband". I have not made a choice between my mother and my husband, I never could...the movie "Sophie's Choice" came to mind and I ended up devastated that night - all because of one awful woman. I picked myself back up again and pulled from that pluck that I have always been able to pull from, and got myself back to the home in the morning. I bought my mom a white board and wrote on it: "Goal: Get better, Jenny needs you", then I spent a few more hours with her - told her how very much I love her and miss her - hugged her goodbye and got back in my rental car and took myself back to the airport, and got on the plane that took me back to my husband so we could wait for that heart - together.
In this rehabilitation home that my mom had to be in, is a woman who works there - she happens to be a shirttail (very shirttail) relation to me, in a much skewed roundabout way. She told my 14 year old granddaughter that my mom was depressed because her children are not there, and she is our only mother and we should be there. My granddaughter explained, once again, where her Grandma Jenny and Grandpa Joe are - and why they are there....My brother is the Vice President of a very large company and is headquartered in PA, myself...well if you've read my blog or know of me personally know my predicament at this particular time in my life...my husband and I are waiting for a much needed heart transplant in Salt Lake City. At first, after hearing this, I laughed, because I couldn't believe that someone could be so cruel as to say something like that - but then the emotional ax fell and I just wanted to cry....because this woman has no idea what I have been through in this past year doing my damnedest to keep my beloved husband alive. This woman also stated that my mother should be my choice..."she could get a new husband". I have not made a choice between my mother and my husband, I never could...the movie "Sophie's Choice" came to mind and I ended up devastated that night - all because of one awful woman. I picked myself back up again and pulled from that pluck that I have always been able to pull from, and got myself back to the home in the morning. I bought my mom a white board and wrote on it: "Goal: Get better, Jenny needs you", then I spent a few more hours with her - told her how very much I love her and miss her - hugged her goodbye and got back in my rental car and took myself back to the airport, and got on the plane that took me back to my husband so we could wait for that heart - together.
In this very long saga of Joe and Jenny Smith we are going to get bumps in the road - Holy heck - how many have we made it through so far? And every one that we get through we know we'll get through the next "big one" too. Just one foot in front of the other - and (as my momma always says) "Just breathe".
Other good things happened while I was away from our "lockdown" in SLC.....A friend of ours had a tumor successfully removed, another friend who had a transplant and was not doing well...is finally doing a little bit better, and there's a new LVADer in town - just a kid...but his life was saved by this marvel called an LVAD, and hopefully very soon he too will be transplanted and back on his road to "normalcy".
So now I'm back in "lockdown". I must admit that being set free from my cage for a few days was wonderful - but also sad for me, because I always travel with Joe (well the majority of time anyway) and I found myself talking to him while he wasn't there.
