So there was this day, just one day in our lives. AND THEN.....
Preliminary information: My husband had been fighting cardiomyopathy for over 10 years. He had been struck by a virus while he was on a military mission in Bosnia - Proudly, he had a career as a Red Horse Engineer in the Air Force...this meant that his group was the first in to whatever hot spot the US was in at the time...They built the runways, MASH units, tent cities, etc. that made our mighty military roll. When he got sick there were no doctors, clinics or even sick calls to go to. When they were sick they went to the bunks and waited it out - then back to work. The diseased heart from the virus was not discovered until he was retired. He got weaker and weaker and an X-ray of his chest showed the enlarged heart. We were immediately thrown into the world of "transplant lingo" and our heads were swimming. By the grace of a "Higher Being" and some very smart doctors and pharmaceutical companies new medications had been approved by the FDA for heart disease, and these lovely lifesaving medications kept Joe alive for a very wonderful 10+ years. He was able to go on with his life (albeit on a smaller scale) and started his own maintenance and inspection company.The VA Hospital had an "angel" doctor who was with us the whole 10+ years. Every extra year we had we owe to him, and I thank him profusely for keeping my love, my best friend, my heart with me. Joe has an extraordinaly large heart (figuratively and physically). He spent these years running his business, but it was more a godsend to his clients - Needless to say we didn't get rich because he helped people who needed help and more often than not he did the jobs to better their lives and only recouped the material costs. Never the labor.....Can you imagine? My man is much loved and not only by me.
They were great years with a lot of ups and downs - We were a "blended family" so we both brought children with us to our marriage - and they were all teenagers (except our oldest son Bobby - who was older and had already made his own life) his youngest and my youngest were only 8 months apart (they were always being mistaken for twins - did I mention the ups and downs? Yeah well, where there are kids there are ex's) I am now of the firm belief that children should go to sleep at 12 and wake up when they're ready to go to college :) Ok maybe, just maybe I'm kidding - It's a tad bit different now that they have made their own way in the world and don't blame us for everything that's wrong in their lives (Most of them anyway). Four out of the five of them have brought beautiful children into this world, and life is a whole lot more fulfilling with these lovely little creatures in our existence. There's just something about a grandchild's smile and hug that can just melt all your troubles away. And Keeder Joe - when it happens for you it shall be glorious - until then you're a wonderful, beautiful woman and will always have the connotation of being my baby girl. I wish the greatest happiness for you all.
So back to the purpose of this blog, we call it "Life, Part II": It was a red letter day because after the long process of the Veterans Administration "hurry up and wait program" (6 months of waiting for an internal defibulator and traveling the VA Hospitals on the West Coast for placement) our VA doctor reminded us that we had access to our private medical insurance and medicaid. It was as if the light bulb actually went off that you see in cartoons. Within two days we saw our beautiful private sector cardiologist and within a week he was put in the hospital for a cardiocath in the morning - and internal defibrillator placement in the afternoon. Praise that Higher Being.....and then........
Our wonderful cardiologist came to me and told me that things had not gone as well as they wanted (understatement of the decade). Thankfully, he is a wonderful doctor and has always given us all the news, he has never sugar-coated anything with us....He informed me that to safe my beloved husband that we have to life flight him to Salt Lake City. DID YOU HEAR ME? DID I HEAR HIM? LIFE FLIGHT? SALT LAKE CITY? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? I held onto every bit of compassion and ladylike behavior for this doctor and for myself, and although inside my head I was yelling all of that and more, outwardly I just listened....They will still be doing the insertion of the internal defibrillator, but it has been changed to a surgery where they will cut, get it in, and get out - Usually it's a process of testing the device, etc. but we are getting the save his life mode....then in the morning my husband will be on an airplane with an EMT, a cardiac nurse a pilot and copilot - and getting to SLC as quickly as they can. JENNY, ARE YOU STILL STANDING - CHECK - CHECK QUICK - Yep, I'm still standing - okay now Jenny, one foot in front of the other.....I'm walking - check - yep, I'm walking. I am heading to the ICU to see my husband - Yep, there he is - Is he breathing? - CHECK - am I breathing? - CHECK - KEEP BREATHING JENNY - JUST KEEP BREATHING.... He opens his baby blues, and I smile - No tears. GOOD JOB JENNY.... I feel an arm around my shoulder - I turn - I notice an adorable little red-headed nurse is with me....She smiles ... I smile back.....
Joe and I have always teased each other about his "red headed girlfriend" - I turn to my beautiful husband and say - "So I finally meet the other woman" - He smiles.....She has a great personality and jumps right into our personal joke - Thank you so much adorable redheaded nurse from the CICU - you kept me sane at that particular moment....(and a note: I'm a blond)....We explain things to Joe - and he says - don't spend all that money on a life flight plane - I'll just drive down to Salt Lake - Maybe you need to know my husband better to know how absolutely serious he was....but he was....More smiles from those of us in the room - He got mad - and then luckily the medicine kicked in and he drifted off - Joe was in the best of hands so it was time for me to "belly up to bar" and "put my big girl panties on" (my girls will smile at this) and do the job that I did not what to do. I went to my car armed with my cell phone and drove down the street to the back of a grocery store parking lot and started the calls to my children....When am I going to break? I know it's coming.....Then the call to my folks - my beautiful wonderful parents who love my husband with all that they are......And there it goes, my head is swimming, my eyes are swimming, my mouth is open in a silent scream - I couldn't even speak (my Mom answered) I heard her voice and all I could do was sob. I couldn't stop...I could hear her saying, "Jenny breathe - Jenny just breathe" WHEN DID I STOP BREATHING? I sucked in the biggest breathe I think I have ever taken and eventually got through the news......after hanging up - I cried, and cried, and cried - I needed to get all those tears out so I could go back and be the bravest I've ever been....Joshua showed up first...He looked like a deer in headlights - our wonderful middle son who is a clone of my husband. This adorable man had just had a baby less than a week before this...his first....a boy...Aven Joseph (AJ)...I felt responsible for taking him from the ultimate joy of his life with his beautiful wife Sarah to the ultimate horror of his life in less than a week - Not a good "mom" moment for me.....Charlie showed up next (Joe's bestest buddy)...The two of them were a much needed break from my own screaming mind. We were in the waiting room, because Joe had been taken to the OR for the internal defibrillator surgery. Jeremy (youngest son) showed up with his "birth mom" - now understand he's 23 years old - I could understand maybe needing a ride to the hospital - but the reason my husband's ex-wife showed up in our time of turmoil???? Maybe we'll address this in a later blog - I was still in so much shock - that my head was still yelling things at me - but at this moment it changed from "WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?"....to "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????? WTF? WTF? WTF?"
The surgeon who placed Joe's defibrillator entered the waiting room and was looking for someone named "Joan" - ok folks - by now you must know that my name is "Jenny"....luckily I had met this surgeon briefly - I recognized him - he did not recognize me and continued asking for "Joan" - I spoke up and said are you looking for "Jenny Smith" - he said "No, Joan" - I explained to him that my husband was Joe Smith and informed him that he was indeed looking for me - Josh, Charlie, Jeremy and I walked up to him and he proceeded to tell us that Joe had indeed "made it through the surgery" - big sigh of relief - turned to go back to the chairs and I ran into his ex-wife who had walked up behind us.....excuse my repeating myself but there went my brain again '"ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????? WTF? WTF? WTF? I can only thank goodness that my mouth was on mute.....
Luckily at that moment the life flight coordinator walked in, quickly accessed the situation and took Josh, Charlie and I to a private conference room, where explanations were given, permissions were signed and I was informed that I would be flying down to Salt Lake with my husband first thing in the morning. While in this room we all had a good laugh because I realized why the doctor was looking for "Joan" - my husband calls me "Jen" - and in his doped up condition the doctor had asked him who he was to ask for in the waiting room - his "Jen" was heard as "Joan" by the doctor - thus, the mysterious Joan had been unearthed.
I left the boys in the waiting room to go see Joe, since he had just barely come back from his second "procedure" - and was turned away at the door - "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????? WTF? WTF? WTF?" In the CICU there is a limit of how many people can be in the room (and rightfully so) I was informed that his ex-wife had made her way in while we were in the private conference room.....My brain is still screaming - but I wait until it is my "turn" to see my husband.....Please insert your own comments here because I'm tired of cap typing what my brain was screaming......So I smile at my husband as I walk in his itty bitty CICU space - and he says "What the hell was that?" I laughed and he said "Can you imagine - I opened my eyes expecting you - and that was not you!!!!" He was stuttering - and my head was still screaming but my smile was firmly fixed on my face - I'm not going to upset him - are you kidding me? His best friend Charlie had gone back with me - and he couldn't quit laughing - I must it admit it did lighten things up a bit...We informed him, once again, that he was going to be life flighted to Salt Lake in the morning - and he said, once again, not to bother he would drive. Joe remembers very little of what happened that day - or many days to come - I sometimes think that that was lucky for him - because that day left a bad taste in my mouth... He kept asking me if I was ok - I think he thought my head might pop off - Oh by the way - this is what she wanted: To make sure that "her boys" would be taken care of if Joe died. Lovely conversation to have with someone who almost died three times that day - REMINDER - "her boys" are 23 and 25 years old. Jeremy and Josh left along with the extra "appendages". (Oh yeah - forgot to mention that after the unwanteds had shown up more of her relatives also showed up.)
Molly and Kimmy arrived - our daughters, along with Matt (Molly's guy)...CICU made an exception, the nursing crew had figured that I had gone through enough for one day) and the four of us just spent time with their Dad, laughing, silently crying and holding hands a lot...It would be the last time they would see him for a while - It was hard for them. Molly's kids had sat down and drawn "Grandpa" a lovely get well card and the kids (the girls and Matt) had brought Joe a little stuffed dog - because Joe adores our dogs (Callie, Hercules and Toby) and knew that he wouldn't have them for a while.....They named the dog Callie because she is Joe's favorite - and he spoils her rotten. We finally all had to leave, Joe was still in good hands - Kimmy and I headed for our house and threw things in the trunk we knew Joe and I would need things where we were going (clothes and such). Jeremy had agreed to drive our car down for me to use - Josh drove his car to Salt Lake and would take Jeremy back with him to Boise. Our beloved Bobby lives in California and was ready to jump on a plane whenever I told him he needed to. Kimmy drove me back to the hospital and Joe and I began the next part of our journey. LIFE FLIGHT...........
