8 minutes

It is 8 minutes till 8:30 am - 8:30 the magic number when I can go back in the TICU and be back by my best friend's side.  We have been through so much, and here we are again - in crisis.  Have I said OMG yet?  Nope  - OMG what just went on?

In, then out again for them to do the TEE (Transesophageal echo).  The TEE showed a much worse situation than anyone here had imaged.  Before this we were looking at a pump replacement - or transplant - but all of a sudden I had two of our team doctors sitting in front of me and telling me that the game plan had drastically changed.  Instead of a pump replacement (not the whole LVAD) or the possibility of transplant with the next helicopters flying over us, to we are in "save his life today" mode - a complete new LVAD - cracking his chest AGAIN - and starting over again.  

2 hours - 2 hours so hard fought for and then gone.....2 hours where not one friggin helicopter dotted the sky.  It was a snowball's chance in hell - but still..................

I told him "Come back to me", just like 3 1/2 months ago, but this time he had tears in his eyes and he said "I'll try".... My world was spinning out of control.

I knew my place in that waiting room - watching the clock and pretending that I wasn't scared out of my wits....the first time was 7 hours - now 8 went by - 9 went by - 10 went by - followed by 11  - 


the surgeons finally joined me in the waiting room - they looked all done in.....found out they'd spent the last 4 hours stopping his bleeding - but they did - he's alive and we have a chance.....